


not enough to feel the lack

by indigomagnus (galaxy_houseplants)



Series: malec oneshots [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e21 Alliance, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Light Angst, M/M, Reunions, Short & Sweet, my take on that amazing malec reunion scene, yeah theyre good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 15:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18759415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxy_houseplants/pseuds/indigomagnus
Summary: Magnus wasn’t sure how long he had been in Edom, but he was sure that it had been too long. Despite the fact that it felt like both days and minutes, it wasn’t the isolation, or fear, or uncertainty that was killing him.It was Alec.Well, it isn’t Alec,he corrected himself-more like the lack of him.





	not enough to feel the lack

**Author's Note:**

> it's not enough to feel the lack/i want it back, i want it back, i want it
> 
> (title from ribs by lorde)

Magnus wasn’t sure how long he had been in Edom, but he  _was_ sure that it had been too long. Despite the fact that it felt like both days and minutes, it wasn’t the isolation, or fear, or uncertainty that was killing him.

It was Alec.

 _Well, it isn’t Alec,_  he corrected himself-  _more like the lack of him._

They were engaged.  _Engaged_. And, just their luck, they had been torn apart by the latest universe-altering crisis before they could even spend a full two minutes being happy about it.

After banishing Lilith from the palace, Magnus had found himself with far too much time to think, and now that the adrenaline and fear had mostly worn off, he felt the crushing sadness start to hit. Normally, when they were apart for a while, Magnus could simply portal to wherever Alec was, and all would be well.

But this time, it’s different. This time, there’s a chance he might never see the one great love of his life ever again, and he’s not sure he’ll ever stop missing him. Or that the all-consuming grief he was feeling at that thought will pass any time in the next few decades.

God.  _Decades_. Magnus’ life is too immeasurably long for decades to seem like an extensive period of time, but now that he had to entertain the thought of spending even a moment longer without Alexander at his side, it seemed like too much to face.

Magnus resisted the urge to curl up into the smallest ball he could and cry his eyes out for hours and hours. Days. Years. Whatever. Time didn’t seem to be flowing right.

_(He’s in charge of Edom now, and that wouldn’t send a particularly striking message.)_

He settled for pacing the throne room, running his elegant hands and painted nails over as many surfaces as he could find. The low, reddish light made his silver engagement ring look almost bronze, and he choked back a sob at the thought of Alec wearing his, the two of them connected by something so mundane, but yet so unreachable.

‘ _Magnus? Magnus!”_ Adeep voice, tinged with panic and fear, rough around the edges, a little out of breath. Achingly familiar.

He turned in the direction of the voice, almost not letting himself believe what the hopeful part of him was saying.

But there he was. All-black attire and fight-mussed hair and all.

“ _Alexander_!”

Magnus broke into a run, bouncing on his feet with all the limited energy he had left.

Alec was beaming at him, smiling almost as widely as he had ever seen the ever-serious Shadowhunter smile.

When they finally reached each other, Magnus embraced Alec with all the pent-up emotion he’d been carrying since he went through that portal in Alicante.

He didn’t think he’d been held so  _tightly_ , and with such passion and affection and love, since the last time Alec thought he’d lost Magnus, the day they said those 3 words for the first time.

He clung to Alec, gripping his broad shoulders hard enough to feel the warmth of his body through his jacket. He pressed against him, trying to soak in the smell of their sandalwood shampoo, the feel of Alec’s chest against his. In his intensity, he tried to convey a message, which he was sure Alec already knew.

_Too long. Never again._

“I thought I’d never see you again.” Magnus finally broke their embrace, still clinging to Alec. His hand was holding the back of Alec’s neck, tips of his fingers tangled in his hair, keeping him grounded as he stared into those captivating hazel eyes. He felt just a little pride, in the back of his mind, that his voice didn’t break with the rush of emotions he’d felt in the last few minutes.

“I told you, it’s only Edom. And we weren’t gonna let you fight Lilith alone.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally just posted on [my tumblr](https://indigomagnus.tumblr.com) but i like it so decided to post it here despite it being pretty short and written at like 2 am
> 
> leave a kudos or comment if u enjoyed xx thx for reading!


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